Who names this stuff? What’s a Confiker?

Biological infections have catchy names like the plague, measles, or swine flu. Hurricanes have peoples names, like Andrew or Katrina. But computer infections have epithets like W32.Simouk, W32.Gaobot.AJD and, of course, Confiker (AKA Downadup). At first glance you might mistake these for celebrity baby names.  I am pretty certain they are not. So why do we have these strange, often unpronounceable, concoctions of letters and numbers that refer to computer infections?

I don’t know. I wish I did. But I have an idea to reform the computer infection naming enterprise and turn it in to a money making scheme for some deserving charity like the Aging Geeks Retirement Fund (AGRF).

We should appoint an international body, like the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) or The Internet Engineering Task Force, to regulate the naming of computer infections. They could then auction off the choice of names to the highest bidder.

If you are rich, vain and indifferent to bad publicity, you could buy an infection and name it after yourself. We could have the SteveJobsWindowsTrojan or the the BillGatesMacJavaScriptWorm. Large corporations could buy the naming rights like they do for public arenas and stadia. We could have the BankAmericaIdentityTheftPhishingExpedition, the HaliburtonSpyonYou spybot or the SteveGibsonInsecurityNow virus. And if you are truly monied and devious you could buy the naming rights and name it after your competitor, your enemy or someone you despise. The possibilities are endless and lots more fun than Downadup.